I ran into a childhood friend recently. It was all smiles on both our parts…then she told me something that sticks with me and I can’t get it off of my mind.
We went to different grade schools so even though I knew who she was, I didn’t really get to know her until Jr High school. She was fun, active and fit right in with the friends I’d known all my life. She told me that our friendship really helped her through some tough times at home. I had no idea she had tough times. It was no effort to be her friend. I wasn’t doing anything special that I knew of. To her though, I cared. I showed up. I invited her to things. I don’t even remember some of the things she told me that made a difference in her life.
She said that I threw a birthday party for her when we were around 13 years old. The part that stuns me is she said that was the first birthday party she’d ever had. To me, that’s just what you do when you care about someone.
If your friend is reaching a milestone of becoming a teenager, let’s all celebrate. I think she credited me for all the other friends accepting her. That wasn’t true though. She was a fun girl. I had zero idea that she had low self-esteem. I’m so glad all my “old” friends were awesome people to her too.
She was very athletic and she told me that she always saw my face and heard my voice shouting above the crowd. Cheering her on! My heart hurts for the young girl she was and I am so thankful that I showed up for her. I wish I had done more!
Life is not always easy, no matter your age.
After college and my first big job (out of state), I moved back into Mother’s house a short while. These were the days way before email or cellphones, so we hadn’t stayed in touch. She was living in Fort Scott and heard I was back in town. One day we ran into each other and I was so glad to see her.
However, I found out that her adult life was not very loving and safe. I few weeks later, I don’t know if she called me or I called her, but it was a late evening conversation and she needed help getting her son and herself out of her apartment while her husband was out. I flew, no questions asked.
I don’t remember everything about that night, but I thought many times over the years how she felt caught/stuck in an abusive homelife because she didn’t know there was anywhere to turn. Can you even imagine? My life had had some ups and downs but I always knew I had my family to lean on. I’m so glad I was back home a while when she needed me.
My message is… be a friend. The kind people can count on. The kind who includes others because you think they will enjoy it, not because you think you should. You never know when you just might make a lasting difference in someone’s life.
